Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize