i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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