I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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