We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
