I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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