im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
