Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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