I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
