Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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