Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
