No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
