You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
