"it" just moved
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
