I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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