Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
