You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
