If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
