Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
