i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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