have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize