No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
