watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize