All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
