Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
false alarm. still invincible.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
