I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
