Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
