I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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