i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
