why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
