No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
