i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
