i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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