I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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