i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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