Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
