Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
