Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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