It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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