Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
