My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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