Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
