In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
