i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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