my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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