Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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