So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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