So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
