I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're a waste of cheezeits
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
