So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
