You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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