3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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