stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
