new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
