Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
