oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
