fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize