I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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