i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
