dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
