Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
false alarm, still single
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