the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my being single is dangerous.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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