i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
