She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
