Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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