we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
