is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
