I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
it wasn't lemon gatorade
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
