Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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