He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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