we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
