I'm lost and stupid without you.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize