My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This show inspires me to have sex in space
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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