those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
