I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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