Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
