I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
