i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
