i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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