dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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