i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
