I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize