1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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