In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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