he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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