I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
