I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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