I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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