apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Vodka?
Forever.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
