The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
