4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
