Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
