I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I need to calm my uterus...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
