I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
