Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
