I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
