I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I did not marry a roomba.
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