I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
