Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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