....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
