So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
