So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize