And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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