Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
