Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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