No stitches, just platelets and will power
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
