if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
