I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
