He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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