I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
