I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
