Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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