why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
