just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
