I want to have your abortion
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
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